Jacob. You attempt the majority of the questions a Marxist would ask but you are hindered by your vocabulary and expression in your opening few paragraphs.
Target 1. Find 3 synonyms for fashionable, simple, cool. Target 2. Learn the difference between there, their, they're Target 3. Proof read and correct all your spelling errors.
As your essay progresses your vocabulary becomes increasingly critical and you begin to probe the subtext and potential interpretations. If you do mention feminism then you MUST make a clear connection to marxism.
I'd like you to re attempt your first three paragraphs and adopt a more formal tone.'in those days' is not good enough. What days are you refering to? Where is your proof? Focus more on the function of the clothes which the store sells, what do they do the appearance and self-esteem of the customers?
Jacob. You attempt the majority of the questions a Marxist would ask but you are hindered by your vocabulary and expression in your opening few paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteTarget 1. Find 3 synonyms for fashionable, simple, cool.
Target 2. Learn the difference between there, their, they're
Target 3. Proof read and correct all your spelling errors.
As your essay progresses your vocabulary becomes increasingly critical and you begin to probe the subtext and potential interpretations. If you do mention feminism then you MUST make a clear connection to marxism.
I'd like you to re attempt your first three paragraphs and adopt a more formal tone.'in those days' is not good enough. What days are you refering to? Where is your proof? Focus more on the function of the clothes which the store sells, what do they do the appearance and self-esteem of the customers?
I have made the appropriate corrections.
DeleteThank you Jacob. I will mark your work during Monday's lesson
ReplyDelete