Jacob, you endeavour to immediately answer the question and express your opinion. What you must ensure that you do at the same time is express your ideas clearly and coherently. In P1 your use of quotations is not correct, look at my blog for a worksheet which clearly explains how to (and by extension how not to) use quotations.
What is lacking in P1 is significant textual support, there is no sense currently of what the poem is about, you mention only 'natureless extacies' and make not attempt to discuss the contents of the store, nor the lives of those who visit. Re-work this section of your essay and include at least 3 supported points.
This target also goes for your section on 'Nothing To Be Said'. You make an interesting point about isolation but fail to support your assertion with extensive textual support. Again I'd like you to rework this section. You've also slightly misquoted Marx, here is the full quotation; I'd like to see what you can do with this information
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opium_of_the_people
Your section on This Be The Verse is interesting, I'd just like you to focus slightly more on the cynicism of Larkin.
Likewise in you next paragraph I'd also like you to focus more on the cynicism.
Finally look again at your conclusion and correct the gramatical errors.
Well done Joacob, you are making some steady progress. AO1 and 2 are your main focus for the time being.
Jacob, you endeavour to immediately answer the question and express your opinion. What you must ensure that you do at the same time is express your ideas clearly and coherently. In P1 your use of quotations is not correct, look at my blog for a worksheet which clearly explains how to (and by extension how not to) use quotations.
ReplyDeleteWhat is lacking in P1 is significant textual support, there is no sense currently of what the poem is about, you mention only 'natureless extacies' and make not attempt to discuss the contents of the store, nor the lives of those who visit. Re-work this section of your essay and include at least 3 supported points.
This target also goes for your section on 'Nothing To Be Said'. You make an interesting point about isolation but fail to support your assertion with extensive textual support. Again I'd like you to rework this section. You've also slightly misquoted Marx, here is the full quotation; I'd like to see what you can do with this information
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opium_of_the_people
Your section on This Be The Verse is interesting, I'd just like you to focus slightly more on the cynicism of Larkin.
Likewise in you next paragraph I'd also like you to focus more on the cynicism.
Finally look again at your conclusion and correct the gramatical errors.
Well done Joacob, you are making some steady progress. AO1 and 2 are your main focus for the time being.
TARGETS
Respond to my comments and make improvements
Read the how to use quotations guide.